Learning to Crawl

Well, at least one of my resolutions should be fulfilled, as this will be the third entry in roughly a week. I don't know that I'll keep that pace up, but this seems be serving as a good sounding board for getting my thoughts out in an organized manner.

Lately I've been spending a lot of time thinking about my so called Christian "walk" and I haven't been too happy with the way it looks. Yes, I attend church regularly, and am in fact helping get a new Church plant started here in Eau Claire. Yes, I have been reading a couple different devotional books, though I haven't really been taking notes. (probably should remedy that asap) Yes, I have been turning to God in prayer more often, though not nearly as much as I should. The problem is I'm not actually LIVING my life the way God desires.

That isn't to say that I'm doing the opposite extreme. I'm not running around the city naked. I'm not going out and getting wasted(though I do feel a beer is OK now and again as long as I don't get drunk). I'm not having wild sex parties. I'm not doing drugs. I'm not tipping over handicapped peoples wheelchairs or poking retards with a stick.

The thing is I'm also not 100% about God all the time. This bothers me because in all the books I'm reading, the authors are super Christian people. Everything they do or say is related to God in some way. Their very thought processes are programmed, it seems, to focus only on Him. I have trouble praying for five minutes straight without being distracted by some random thoughts. I want to be walking among these great Christian men and women, but it seems I can't even figure out how to crawl, let alone stand up.

I equate it too my niece. As a 7 month old, her newest thing is to get up on her knees and one hand, and then grunt and struggle as she tries to figure out how to get that second hand in place so she can actually go somewhere. Usually she gives up after awhile and then just scoots forward on her stomach. While it's cute too watch, it would be much more productive for her to be able to crawl, as she could go faster, and do more.

That's how I see myself as a Christian. I know what I want to do. I have the general idea of what I have to do. I just can't seem to get all the parts in place to actually do it. it's kind of a huge struggle for me, because I want to be able to Walk with Him NOW. I don't want it to take a lot of time and effort. The thing is, just like my niece will eventually figure out how to crawl, and then walk, so too will I eventually figure out this Christianity thing, if I keep working on it, and relying on God to get me through.

Another tie-in to the crawling analogy is that usually I take pity on her, and pick her up. in the same way, I have my pastor and other Christian influence in my life who "pick me up" with encouragement and advice on how to proceed.

I know I'm not perfect. I know it's going to take a long time to get where God wants me to be. I know it won't be easy. But I am learning to Crawl, and for now, that simply has to be enough.

Kevin Sieg